I love change. I can count on change. If I am willing and go with the flow of my Higher Power change becomes a source of strength.
If I can change, everything becomes possible to me.
Real change is gentle, seasonal and tender. It is not jerked or forced or harsh. Return to real change is a return to love, a return to renewal and a return to the True Self.
I love changing, becoming, being.
True self becomes dominant with real change.
I can't change the past or the future. But I can heal the past, and by doing so become healthier for the future in the present.
In this moment I can touch my entire span of life and transform everything to good. That is the power of my Higher Power, given to me. As my Higher Power is, so am I.
When I am in my Higher Power's will, everything will turn out for good.
When the anger, resentment, control and disease are felt and released, or healed, then gratitude naturally bubbles up and constant contentment becomes my companion. Everything becomes beautiful.
I told my Higher Power I was angry at him, he could have changed what happened to me when I was little. My Higher Power said yes, I could have, but if I had you would not have become who you are right now. I like who I am right now.
People around me made poor choices, but I chose to stay with my Higher Power and trust in love. Because I was able to believe in the absence of what should have been there, my parents' love, I was able to be a part of the stream of goodness.
My addictions I built became tools helping me to a better life, and for that I will always be profoundly grateful.
When I accept and love change, everything becomes possible with a Higher Power whose unchanging strength is seen in change, in the power of being able to draw good out of anything.
If I say with my Higher Power, I can draw good out of everything that could happen to me as well, just like I'm doing right now.
Just for today I will be grateful.
Just for today I will trust.
Showing posts with label inner loving parent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inner loving parent. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
Friday, September 28, 2018
Just For Today
Getting up in the morning can be hard, but I have a few tricks now that make it easier on me.
I wake up to a beautiful harp song in the morning, and I stay in bed until it is over.
I get up after its finished, do what I have to do, then head back to bed where I feel warm & cozy and have meditation time.
During the day I try to stay present. Here are some things I do when I get stressed out and begin to "go off" into my freeze response (pretty much my default), anxiety or any other emotion.
1. Put my hand over my heart.
2. Lightly stomp my feet on the floor.
3. Focus on a distant object, like a tree.
4. 60 second meditation, eyes shut, count backward from 60.
5. Take a quick walk - around the office, to get coffee, bathroom break or around the block.
6. Look up at the sky and just breathe.
7. Repeat something beautiful - poetry, music, sacred scriptures, or affirmations.
8. Read something.
9. Check in with Facebook - only works if you're following positive people!
10. Say out loud what I see (this is new!)
11. Follow the five senses. (this is new!)
12. Say the "right now" Serenity prayer.
13. Do the next tiny thing - one click on the computer, one paper, one word, one hand movement.
14. Stand up (I have a stand up desk).
15. Stare at the background picture on my computer screen (something beautiful).
16. Listen to my heart beat.
17. Hold my own hand.
18. Touch or hold a stuffed animal.
19. Water plants.
20. Put on hand lotion.
21. Make some tea & drink it.
22. Listen to music.
23. Listen to nature sounds.
24. Put on the headphones.
25. Stretch.
26. Do a few simple and gentle exercises.
27. Just FEEL whatever emotion is present for five seconds. Repeat if necessary. Do it for longer if necessary, always counting backwards.
For bedtime I have a gentle routine as well. Since having to deal with my trauma, fear of the dark came back to me.
Now I take it very easy. I leave two lights on, shower, read, and make sure I eat something before bed. I dress for bed in something I like, that is comfortable, colorful and feels good.
I leave one light on and do some reading, journaling or praying.
I have remote controlled candles, and I lay there with the candles and my stuffed bear until I either go to sleep (timer on the candles) or I'm ready to turn them off.
It feels strange being gentle with myself, when for so long I have been abrupt and impatient.
But that abruptness and impatience is a result of internalizing the family dysfunction.
To prevent you being hard on me, I will be so hard on myself I will be perfect, and I will never have to feel the pain of abandonment and rejection.
To fix you, I will be perfect. To fix me, you will treat me harshly. Because it's my fault you aren't perfect, and it's my fault I'm not perfect. Little children are given such harsh burdens, and in innocence they are carried.
Perfectionism is so painful. It feels wrong to be human, to make mistakes, to realize I am still and will continue to still learn how to be human. But being human is what I was made to do, it is God's will for me. It is okay to be human. I like it.
Just for today I will accept myself as human. I will accept it is okay to feel the feelings life evokes, to make mistakes and to keep getting up when I fall.
The only thing more terrifying than falling, is continuing to wallow in the mud and say "I can't get up, it's too hard! It's you're fault!" That's how this started in the first place.
It's hard getting up from the victim role, but it is so worth it.
Just for today, I will live through this day only, and not try to tackle all my problems at once.
Just for today, I will ask first, instead of trying to figure out what I need to do.
Just for today, I will be happy, joyous and free, dancing with my Higher Power.
Just for today, I will carry the light yoke and easy burden.
Just for today, I will let myself be loved.
I wake up to a beautiful harp song in the morning, and I stay in bed until it is over.
I get up after its finished, do what I have to do, then head back to bed where I feel warm & cozy and have meditation time.
During the day I try to stay present. Here are some things I do when I get stressed out and begin to "go off" into my freeze response (pretty much my default), anxiety or any other emotion.
1. Put my hand over my heart.
2. Lightly stomp my feet on the floor.
3. Focus on a distant object, like a tree.
4. 60 second meditation, eyes shut, count backward from 60.
5. Take a quick walk - around the office, to get coffee, bathroom break or around the block.
6. Look up at the sky and just breathe.
7. Repeat something beautiful - poetry, music, sacred scriptures, or affirmations.
8. Read something.
9. Check in with Facebook - only works if you're following positive people!
10. Say out loud what I see (this is new!)
11. Follow the five senses. (this is new!)
12. Say the "right now" Serenity prayer.
13. Do the next tiny thing - one click on the computer, one paper, one word, one hand movement.
14. Stand up (I have a stand up desk).
15. Stare at the background picture on my computer screen (something beautiful).
16. Listen to my heart beat.
17. Hold my own hand.
18. Touch or hold a stuffed animal.
19. Water plants.
20. Put on hand lotion.
21. Make some tea & drink it.
22. Listen to music.
23. Listen to nature sounds.
24. Put on the headphones.
25. Stretch.
26. Do a few simple and gentle exercises.
27. Just FEEL whatever emotion is present for five seconds. Repeat if necessary. Do it for longer if necessary, always counting backwards.
For bedtime I have a gentle routine as well. Since having to deal with my trauma, fear of the dark came back to me.
Now I take it very easy. I leave two lights on, shower, read, and make sure I eat something before bed. I dress for bed in something I like, that is comfortable, colorful and feels good.
I leave one light on and do some reading, journaling or praying.
I have remote controlled candles, and I lay there with the candles and my stuffed bear until I either go to sleep (timer on the candles) or I'm ready to turn them off.
It feels strange being gentle with myself, when for so long I have been abrupt and impatient.
But that abruptness and impatience is a result of internalizing the family dysfunction.
To prevent you being hard on me, I will be so hard on myself I will be perfect, and I will never have to feel the pain of abandonment and rejection.
To fix you, I will be perfect. To fix me, you will treat me harshly. Because it's my fault you aren't perfect, and it's my fault I'm not perfect. Little children are given such harsh burdens, and in innocence they are carried.
Perfectionism is so painful. It feels wrong to be human, to make mistakes, to realize I am still and will continue to still learn how to be human. But being human is what I was made to do, it is God's will for me. It is okay to be human. I like it.
Just for today I will accept myself as human. I will accept it is okay to feel the feelings life evokes, to make mistakes and to keep getting up when I fall.
The only thing more terrifying than falling, is continuing to wallow in the mud and say "I can't get up, it's too hard! It's you're fault!" That's how this started in the first place.
It's hard getting up from the victim role, but it is so worth it.
Just for today, I will live through this day only, and not try to tackle all my problems at once.
Just for today, I will ask first, instead of trying to figure out what I need to do.
Just for today, I will be happy, joyous and free, dancing with my Higher Power.
Just for today, I will carry the light yoke and easy burden.
Just for today, I will let myself be loved.
Saturday, September 15, 2018
Detaching with Love
I went to a meeting today. My insight was that I've learned to detach from other people's emotional reactions, and to stay inside myself. I was worried about going, but I knew I needed to go, so I went anyway.
When I am thrown back to the past, which often happens in and after meetings, it is difficult to stay inside, and some reactions are still similar to the past - but I know they are happening, and they are not as extreme. This is part of the gift of awareness.
I also know how to get myself back inside myself instead of continuing to run around wounded, wondering why I'm reacting. Self-care is huge.
I can identify my emotions. I don't always like my emotions, but I'm becoming more accepting of them. When I can accept the emotion, and fully feel it, without trying to escape it, push it away or deny it, the emotion passes and I am able to say goodbye.
Goodbye to that lost dream. Or just the dream of a dream. Acceptance is the key.
When I accept what is, then it is like I wake up, and am able to see what I have. I am able to enjoy what I have. I am able to be grateful.
By feeling my feelings my headspace is freed to to focus on my stuff, the good stuff. And there is a lot of good stuff!
Going to meetings is good because it helps stir up things that would otherwise remained unresolved. It also helps me practice what I've learned.
I read the book "The New Codependency" by Melody Beattie, and I have to say I really enjoyed the chapter about how some people need meetings their entire lives, some just need them during crisis, and some go for a time and then leave.
I have to be responsible for my own well being, not handing it over to meetings or anyone else. I can take into consideration what therapists say, what other people say, and what people important to me say, but at the end of the day I am responsible for me.
Do I love me? It is difficult when the healthy ego is destroyed to develop self love but I'm doing it.
I'm letting myself be loved. By myself. By my Higher Power and by others.
When I don't have loving feelings, when I'm all tossed up inside, or have gone outside myself, I can still behave in a loving way to myself or others. I can practice the principles before personalities on me.
Today I will let myself be loved, just as I am, without judgment, without rancour and with respect, tenderness and kindness. I trust that with time I will be able to love as I am loved, and see others as I begin to see myself, with clarity, honesty and compassion.
The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love. First, friendship with myself and my higher power by accepting my higher power's friendship, second, love for myself and my higher power by accepting my higher power's love for me.
Just for today I will let myself be loved.
When I am thrown back to the past, which often happens in and after meetings, it is difficult to stay inside, and some reactions are still similar to the past - but I know they are happening, and they are not as extreme. This is part of the gift of awareness.
I also know how to get myself back inside myself instead of continuing to run around wounded, wondering why I'm reacting. Self-care is huge.
I can identify my emotions. I don't always like my emotions, but I'm becoming more accepting of them. When I can accept the emotion, and fully feel it, without trying to escape it, push it away or deny it, the emotion passes and I am able to say goodbye.
Goodbye to that lost dream. Or just the dream of a dream. Acceptance is the key.
When I accept what is, then it is like I wake up, and am able to see what I have. I am able to enjoy what I have. I am able to be grateful.
By feeling my feelings my headspace is freed to to focus on my stuff, the good stuff. And there is a lot of good stuff!
Going to meetings is good because it helps stir up things that would otherwise remained unresolved. It also helps me practice what I've learned.
I read the book "The New Codependency" by Melody Beattie, and I have to say I really enjoyed the chapter about how some people need meetings their entire lives, some just need them during crisis, and some go for a time and then leave.
I have to be responsible for my own well being, not handing it over to meetings or anyone else. I can take into consideration what therapists say, what other people say, and what people important to me say, but at the end of the day I am responsible for me.
Do I love me? It is difficult when the healthy ego is destroyed to develop self love but I'm doing it.
I'm letting myself be loved. By myself. By my Higher Power and by others.
When I don't have loving feelings, when I'm all tossed up inside, or have gone outside myself, I can still behave in a loving way to myself or others. I can practice the principles before personalities on me.
Today I will let myself be loved, just as I am, without judgment, without rancour and with respect, tenderness and kindness. I trust that with time I will be able to love as I am loved, and see others as I begin to see myself, with clarity, honesty and compassion.
The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love. First, friendship with myself and my higher power by accepting my higher power's friendship, second, love for myself and my higher power by accepting my higher power's love for me.
Just for today I will let myself be loved.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)