After typing Step 1, I realized that, actually, I do know what this blog will be about.
Granted, I don't know what form or story it will take each day, but I do know this is about my journey through the 12 steps and how this interacts within my life as a child of God in the 3rd order or lay Carmelite vocation of the Catholic church.
Step 1 is very powerful. The second I say, "I don't know," I admit to the possibility that someone else does, or that the answer exists outside myself. I don't have to know, right now.
When I am okay with not knowing, then I am ready to know.
My blogging is unmanageable, because of control. I I I need to control control control everything.
I don't know which direction this blog will take, other than the above mentioned. I don't know if anyone will read it. I have no control over the fact that my mind starts to obsess about all the things I need to know if I am going to start blogging again. I have to plan for all the bad things that could happen. I have to plan for all the good things that could happen. What if. What if. What if.
No. I do not have to know. I only have to trust that, right now, I need to make this blog. IF someday I need to move it, I can. IF someday, I need to delete it, I can.
When I am okay with not knowing, then I no longer have to control. I can rest in the fact that I only have to do, right now, what I need to do next. That is all that is expected, to do the next right thing.
The unmanageable shrinks down into its right size until I am able to see only the next thing, because I never really saw the big picture anyway. The mirror of my mind had distorted everything, like one of those curved mirrors at the funhouse.
When I am okay with not knowing, then I am ready to know.
Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our life had become unmanageable.
I pray that we will find the serenity we seek, and that we will see that what we seek has always been inside us, waiting for us to return to ourselves to find rest.
We are loved with an everlasting love, and surrounding us are the everlasting arms.
No-people, No-place, No-thing, can separate us from the love of God.
Let yourself be loved.
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